The German officer had done nothing but smoke the whole time: he spoke English very ill; and he confined himself to the worst part of the language, namely, to swearing. Every thing was tam pad , tam nonsince , tam stoff , tam stubid kaptan , tam pad find , tam long shorney , et cetera. Then he slept a great part of the time, and nearly smoked out all the rest; and I perceived that when the provisions were out, he hid himself, in order to eat some of his own which he had concealed, and which he would not difide (as he called it) mit nopoty

John is an able counsel; but deliver us from his delivery! It is the harsh vulgar impetuosity of the unmannered and unlettered man, clad in the vulgarest vulgarisms of the vilest vernacular tongue, with an accent which would throw a harmonist into convulsions, and a grating sound which would set the strongest tooth on edge, accompanied by an acidity which would turn the sweet milk of a whole dairy, and an awkwardness of deportment which would make the monkey blush blue for his resemblance.

This is another professor, one of your hoolly and fairly men, one of your courtiers of the toon cooncil, and assenters to all established doctrines. He would be a very amusing lecturer, for he tells stories by the hour, if the broad accent of Edinburgh vulgarity did not render him unintelligible to polished ears.

Moreover, if any one be particularly eager to learn broad Scotch, the professor is fully qualified to be his master in that desirable branch of education .

Archy violently drives in an old street offender, who was apprehended for the twofold offence of street-walking, and nimming a wipe, as it is called in the flash language, but in plain English, for stealing a pocket handkerchief.

It came on now to blow great guns, and the poor Jew, who ate, drank, and slept, upon his boxes, like Boniface upon his ale, began to get dreadfully sick, and still more dreadfully alarmed. "Do you tink dat di sip be shee-vorty ?" cried he in an agony to me. "I hope so," replied I. "Mind, if me be wreck," said he to the captain, "you shave my pox ; 'tis my all; dere be much trinket, and faluable paper derein . Oh! I do tink I will be drown , and nopoty shall come to help me. Oh! my poor property! Ven shall vi shee land?" Here he grew sicker and sicker, whilst the sea ran mountains high.

On his entering the hotel, Jacky! the chambermaid exclaimed, "Sir, you've gotten a blue ee ." * "I have got two," replied he; "but I met with a blackguard of your country, and he has run against me, and just left his mark." " It's awful," cried Jacky. " Aye ," replied our young friend, "and I have got my pantaloons torn besides." " Eh! mercy! weel, but," added Jacky, "it might ha been war (worse) , for I can mend them for you." So saying, our youth went to bed, and I saw nothing of him until he appeared at dinner. He told us, laughing, that Jacky had mended his breeks , as she called them .
* The Scotch call a black eye a blue eye .

Mr. Ooronooko, take a tumbler of wine, and I will answer your divine mistress." "Tank ye , Massa , mi drink your hell , but Missy say tell to mi dat di note vant no answer" ; and, as he was going out, muttered something quite unintelligible .

But unceremonious Archy, and conscientious Allan, oppose the thing. Archy brutally informs him that he does na ken him; that he may be as muckle o' a lord, as she is an honorable miss; that naething but the siller doon would satisfee the creditors; and that even then, as it is a criminal information which is lodged against her, he must bring her before the magistrates to answer to the charge: besides, adds brutal Archy, a' the quality of Embry is just affronted by her.
Allan, with a mild and sly look, and an inclination to mercy whenever interest did not most particularly stand in the way, urged the propriety of sifting the plot to the bottom; of finding out how far the mischief went; of consulting her other creditors, who had not, like Potifer, the Druggist, in George Street, taken out a fugitive writ; "and," added he, "it would be dishonorable in me to allow that gentleman, supposing him to be a lord, to marry he does na ken wha ; it wud be but discreet to ken wha the leddy really is; and perhaps, at the winding up, things may na be sae bad as they look the noo . "
There was a good deal of wisdom and circumspection in these observations, and they acted as a powerful refrigerent on Lord Stone's flame.
Allan's advice was taken, and the lady was borne away seemingly lifeless, uttering in broken accents that she was ruined; but that she feared not the minutest investigation of her family and conduct; and that, if she had been indiscreet she was not criminal. "I dare to say sae ," said mild Allan, taking a pinch of snuff; " an gin your story be true, the gentleman will may be marry ye after a ." Lord S. swore that he would; whilst Archy asked my lord if he wud na treat him to a dram; and advised him no to marry sic a ----.
Miss S. was allowed to lay down for a few hours, whilst the limbs of the law, or rather of the devil (for these are the lowest, blighted, and blasted branches of that learned profession), ate and drank heartily at Lord Stone's expense, and inflamed the reckoning as much as possible.
The lady was now torn from his arms, and boxed up in a chaise with mild, silver-tongued Allan and a concurrent, as most likely to use her well. The rest of the banditti were paid and dispersed; whilst my lord, against whom no writ was issued, suffered Archy to ride in his carriage, in order to keep the bear in good humour: and now he was completely tamed, and as obsequious as a slave. Upon receiving a bit of the flimsy in his pooch , he promised no to interfere with the puir divil of a lassie , and to hide himsel gaing through the toon , that my lord might no be affronted by being thought to be taen up; "though," continued he, "I hae had the best in the laund in my custody."
On the road he entertained the peer with a' the titled folk, knights, baronets, and honorable misters, whom he had had in his grip, as well as about street rows and wild students, and wilder limmers , and how he had to arrest the leddies twa or three times every week, and how stupid idiots of credulous men aye answered for them and took them out, and how my lord ought to beware of bad hooses ,--although, to be sure , he kent ane or twa discreet places where person and property were safe, and where you might leave gold untold. He kent lucky sic a ane , wha wad na hae a dishonorable thing done in her hoose for a' the warld . She was a bony bit creatury when she was a lassie , and he kent her then, and had to put her in prison for a quarrel and faight wi another lassie ; but she was turned quite douce and discreet, and respectable noo . There was na a mair decenter hoose-hadder in the toon , nor wha paid her cess and taxes mair regularly than her; and she might hae been married upon a minister at ae time, but she kent better sense ; it was onely her siller that the chil wanted. What's the use o' marrying, except it be to better ane's sel .

"There could na be too great a punishment for her" said Baillie Crockery. "She juist deserved to be haung-ed," (laying great stress on the ed ) observed Baillie Candles. "She shud be whip- ed through the toon naked" cried Baillie Blueruin, "for he wud like to hae a peep." "No, that would be im-more-al, " cried Baillie Snuffy the haberdasher. "The limmer , I hae nae patience wi' her, for thrusting hersel amongst honest men's wives and daughters," exclaimed Baillie Grocery. In short, it was "Tot homines tot sententiae."
At length, Lord Stone was examined in her behalf. "Is he really a lord?" said the senior baillie. "Aye, I believe sae ," replied a tailor baillie. "Let us treat him like a nobleman wi' a' distinction," exclaims the junior baillie. "He's vara rich, an pays like a prince," whispers Archy in the clerk's ear. "Let us offer his lordship a seat," suggests one. "Let us kiss his haund as a mark o' oor respeck ," says another. " Hoot man," says a third, "that wad only be askin an honor o' his lordship; it wud be far mair becomin o' the cooncil wi' a' humility to kiss his--his--his foot; or some ither less dignifeed place."

"There could na be too great a punishment for her" said Baillie Crockery. "She juist deserved to be haung-ed," (laying great stress on the ed ) observed Baillie Candles. "She shud be whip- ed through the toon naked" cried Baillie Blueruin, "for he wud like to hae a peep." "No, that would be im-more-al, " cried Baillie Snuffy the haberdasher. "The limmer , I hae nae patience wi' her, for thrusting hersel amongst honest men's wives and daughters," exclaimed Baillie Grocery. In short, it was "Tot homines tot sententiae."
At length, Lord Stone was examined in her behalf. "Is he really a lord?" said the senior baillie. "Aye, I believe sae ," replied a tailor baillie. "Let us treat him like a nobleman wi' a' distinction," exclaims the junior baillie. "He's vara rich, an pays like a prince," whispers Archy in the clerk's ear. "Let us offer his lordship a seat," suggests one. "Let us kiss his haund as a mark o' oor respeck ," says another. " Hoot man," says a third, "that wad only be askin an honor o' his lordship; it wud be far mair becomin o' the cooncil wi' a' humility to kiss his--his--his foot; or some ither less dignifeed place."

But unceremonious Archy, and conscientious Allan, oppose the thing. Archy brutally informs him that he does na ken him; that he may be as muckle o' a lord, as she is an honorable miss; that naething but the siller doon would satisfee the creditors; and that even then, as it is a criminal information which is lodged against her, he must bring her before the magistrates to answer to the charge: besides, adds brutal Archy, a' the quality of Embry is just affronted by her.
Allan, with a mild and sly look, and an inclination to mercy whenever interest did not most particularly stand in the way, urged the propriety of sifting the plot to the bottom; of finding out how far the mischief went; of consulting her other creditors, who had not, like Potifer, the Druggist, in George Street, taken out a fugitive writ; "and," added he, "it would be dishonorable in me to allow that gentleman, supposing him to be a lord, to marry he does na ken wha ; it wud be but discreet to ken wha the leddy really is; and perhaps, at the winding up, things may na be sae bad as they look the noo . "
There was a good deal of wisdom and circumspection in these observations, and they acted as a powerful refrigerent on Lord Stone's flame.
Allan's advice was taken, and the lady was borne away seemingly lifeless, uttering in broken accents that she was ruined; but that she feared not the minutest investigation of her family and conduct; and that, if she had been indiscreet she was not criminal. "I dare to say sae ," said mild Allan, taking a pinch of snuff; " an gin your story be true, the gentleman will may be marry ye after a ." Lord S. swore that he would; whilst Archy asked my lord if he wud na treat him to a dram; and advised him no to marry sic a ----.
Miss S. was allowed to lay down for a few hours, whilst the limbs of the law, or rather of the devil (for these are the lowest, blighted, and blasted branches of that learned profession), ate and drank heartily at Lord Stone's expense, and inflamed the reckoning as much as possible.
The lady was now torn from his arms, and boxed up in a chaise with mild, silver-tongued Allan and a concurrent, as most likely to use her well. The rest of the banditti were paid and dispersed; whilst my lord, against whom no writ was issued, suffered Archy to ride in his carriage, in order to keep the bear in good humour: and now he was completely tamed, and as obsequious as a slave. Upon receiving a bit of the flimsy in his pooch , he promised no to interfere with the puir divil of a lassie , and to hide himsel gaing through the toon , that my lord might no be affronted by being thought to be taen up; "though," continued he, "I hae had the best in the laund in my custody."
On the road he entertained the peer with a' the titled folk, knights, baronets, and honorable misters, whom he had had in his grip, as well as about street rows and wild students, and wilder limmers , and how he had to arrest the leddies twa or three times every week, and how stupid idiots of credulous men aye answered for them and took them out, and how my lord ought to beware of bad hooses ,--although, to be sure , he kent ane or twa discreet places where person and property were safe, and where you might leave gold untold. He kent lucky sic a ane , wha wad na hae a dishonorable thing done in her hoose for a' the warld . She was a bony bit creatury when she was a lassie , and he kent her then, and had to put her in prison for a quarrel and faight wi another lassie ; but she was turned quite douce and discreet, and respectable noo . There was na a mair decenter hoose-hadder in the toon , nor wha paid her cess and taxes mair regularly than her; and she might hae been married upon a minister at ae time, but she kent better sense ; it was onely her siller that the chil wanted. What's the use o' marrying, except it be to better ane's sel .