"For Heaven's sake, Master Clincher," cried the voice of the applicant from below, "make haste down, and light a fire, and get something warm and comfortable like; here be Jack Simmons and I ha found a poor wretch in Hawkins' Wood, almost covered with the snow, and mortal stiff to be sure ; Jack be run across to the cottage at the wood-side, to get somebody to help bring un here, and I ha started off afore , to give ye notice, and get things ready like ; so jump about , wool ye , that's a good soul, and bring down the brandy bottle; it is tedious cold, and I should like a sup o' brandy mysel ."
Masterly and elaborate as this harangue undoubtedly was, like many other elaborate harangues, it contained in itself the seeds of its own discomfiture: by a singular infelicity, the two words which operated most forcibly on the sensorium of the auditor, were precisely those least calculated to produce an impression favourable to the petition of the orator . The term, "poor wretch," was, perhaps, of all others in the language, the one to which Mr. Clincher had the most decided and insuperable aversion; and it is probable that the angry ejaculation, fast rising to his lips, would have been succeeded by the immediate replacing of the fork, and utter occlusion both of the advocate and his protégé

On perceiving his approach, Stephen, for it was himself, retired, civilly touching his hat as he passed, while Andrew, drawing near, with a rueful aspect, exclaimed, in a dolorous tone-- "Bad news, bad news, your honour! Your honour has heard, maybe, what has happened to poor master? well, well, to be sure, all things last but a time! I thought how it would be-- my mind always misgived me, somehow, these Lunnon journeys would do him no good at last, travelling all night a-top o' them coaches, in all sorts of weather, and then three long miles to walk. No, no-- it wasn't for nothing the deathwatch ticked so close to my ear all last night, and the coffin flew out of the fire; besides, I dreamt of water, and to dream of water, you know, sir, always signifies--"

"So, doctor," cried Mrs. Gruby to her partner, taking up the cards to deal, "so the Delavals are to be here to-night. Mr. Jordan, I'll trouble you to cut, sir! and pray, doctor, what is your opinion of sir Charles? Don't you think him a remarkably handsome-looking gentleman, and wery genteel?"
"Madam," replied doctor Drybone, in a deep sepulchral tone of voice, "you have forgot to mark the odd trick."
" Wery true; bless me, doctor! and so I had; but pray, sir, tell me what you think of the general, and is not his son a very fine young man?"
"His son, ma'am!" cried Miss Drummond, one of the opponents in the rubber; "I never understood lady Delaval had a son, or indeed any children."
"Oh dear! yes, he has, ma'am, a son; a remarkable hellygant youth, and the wery picture of the general; the likeness is indeed quite surprising: I happened to be passing at the time the carriages stopped, and saw him get out; I looked him full in the face, and should have known him anywhere for the general's son--a most striking resemblance indeed!"

Darting her indignant glances on the offending parson-- "Mr. Trewanion ," said she, "I beg, sir, you vont go to defer nobody to me; you ought to have more purliteness , sir, than to insinivate that a lady like me doesn't know how to distinguish vether a boy is like his father or not; and let me tell you, sir."
"My dear madam, how entirely have you misunderstood me! I protest, that in the allusion you condescend to notice, I was merely doing justice to that talent for discrimination which all must allow to be Mrs. Gruby's characteristic, and of which I will venture to assert, she never gave more convincing proof than in her so readily detecting a resemblance which I from my heart believe, without any intentional disrespect to the company, not one person in the room possesses equal penetration to discover."
"None of your insinuendoes , Mr. Trewanion —none of your insinuendoes , sir, if you please; I understand you vell enough; I knows ven people are jeering, sir, and I vould have you to know that there is nothing I despise so much as your insinuendoes and your double saint andrews , sir, that says von thing and means another."
[some narrative omitted]
"Stones indeed! a likely matter truly!" exclaimed Mrs. Gruby, who had neither forgotten nor forgiven what she styled the parson's imperance ; " vell , vould any body but a ninkum go to suppose the old gentleman vould take the trouble to lock up stones? No, no, sir, take my vord for it, Mr. Baldwin knew better than that. I dares to say them boxes are all full of money, and guineas, and bank-notes, and sich like walliables , and not full of stones indeed!"

Mrs. Gruby, who how entered the room, saved him the necessity of making any. This lady, in whose raised complexion and agitated manner evident traces of strong emotion might be perceived, sailed most majestically up to the lady of the house, who rose to receive her, and began a hurried apology for having made it so late, accounting for her delay by saying, that, after nearly reaching the door, she had been obligated to go back, and dress herself all over again-- "For, do you know, ma'am ," continued she, "just as I was a-stepping over the gutter, and thinking of nothing at all, a great overgrown feller run right against me, and gave me such a shove that I lost my hequibylerium , and down tumbles me on my knees in the dirt." The whole sympathy of the room was at once in requisition, and a circle was immediately formed round the unfortunate matron, eager to hear a more detailed account of this disastrous adventure; captain Ironside, of the regiment then quartered in the town, declaring, with an oath, that the rascal ought to be crucified, who had dared to commit so gross a misdemeanour--an assertion which was echoed by his friend lieutenant Watkinson, who, with much gravity in his face, congratulated her on her escaping without personal injury, and hoped she had succeeded in finding again the article she had so unluckily lost in her fall.
"Lost! Lord louee , sir! I lost nothing, thank ye ; though, to be sure, I was very near having von of my shoes slipping off."
"I beg your pardon, madam, and rejoice that I was mistaken. I thought I understood you that you had lost an heguy --something which, from the concern with which you mentioned it, I feared had been an article of value." "Oh, my hequibylerium ! vy , so I did, or how should I have tumbled down, you know ?"
"It was only a walking-stick then, I presume, madam?"
"A valking -stick indeed!" and as she said this, her eyes turned full upon her hypocritical commiserator, to see if it were possible he could be laughing at her; the unruffled solemnity, however, of Watkinson's well-tutored features defied her scrutiny-- "a valking -stick!--no, sir, I never use no valking -sticks; if I had had von , I should have laid it across the feller 's back pretty soundly, I can tell you that."
"He would have come off but too cheaply with so slight a punishment, madam," rejoined Ironside; "annihilation is the least he ought to expect; and I should glory in the office of inflicting the chastisement upon him which he so well merits."
"No, sir--no, I thank ye ; though, I must say, your hoffer is wastly civil. But you gentlemen of the harmy are so polite!--But I have a son, sir, a hofficer in the harmy --Mr. Hoctavius Gruby, a hofficer in the loco , sir--and he'll punish enough, I warrant him, if I can find him out; and I am sure I shall know him again, for he had a vite hat on, and a very predominant nose."

The voice, though harsh, was evidently that of a female, which pronounced, in a tone of authority-- "Young man, where can I find the missis of this here college?" "Who did you please to want, madam?" replied one of the most civil of the scouts, as he followed the speaker farther into the quadrangle, when Baldwin, raising his eyes, at once encountered the large grey orbs of lady Duddle, who, leaning on the shoulder of her son Jacky, had now made her entrè within the gates.
The recognition, on either side, was instantaneous.-- " Well , my goodness me ! if this isn't petickler fartinate ! Master Baldwin, how glad I be to see you! only to think how we were a-wishing for you all last night, and now you are the first thing we sees in the morning!"
"I am truly happy, madam," replied her auditor, in a tone that a little belied the expression,

This primary business being happily dispatched, and the gentlemen returned, the new under-graduate and his friends were about to retire, on the suggestion of our hero, when lady Duddle exclaimed-- "Stop! stop! before we goes , pray, Mr. Ollivy, can't I see the missis of the college, as I vant to beg her to be petickler , and see that master Duddle has his sheets vell haired , and a few other little things vitch I should like to mention; besides," added she, "I should like to speak to the maid just for a minute, about making his bed, that he may be sure and have it made high in the middle; for, poor dear! he never can sleep, unless his bed's made high in the middle, and I shan't mind giving her a few shillings to attend to him; for, thank God! we can afford it"
"Pack o' nonsense, Mary," cried uncle Barnaby; "speak to the maid, indeed! as if you didn't know there was no such things allowed at college. Do, pray, let's go about our business; John's now an Oxford scholar, and if he is not old enough to take care of himself now, he never will be." " Poh! poh! " replied her ladyship, "how should you know indeed, Mr. Barnaby, about these things? hold bachelors like you, as never had hany children of their hown ! How is the boy to be taken care of, I vonders , if one doesn't exert one's self, and see that every thing's proper?"

" That's very kind of you, Mr. Ollivy; and I'm sure I'm much obliged to you, and so ought John to be; but there's nothing like vomen in these matters; and I'm sure I think it's very odd you don't allow no such things at college: but I hope, John," continued she, "as you've nobody now to take care of you like , you be sure and mind to tie a hankercher round your neck venever the vind 's hesterly , and don't sit in no drafts !--And pray, Mr. Ollivy," turning to the tutor, who struggled to preserve his gravity, "may I trouble you to be petickler about his chilblains, for he's very subject to chilblains, if he gets his feet vet in vinter ; so vill you be so kind, sir, as to be sure and make him change his stockings and comb his head every Saturday with a small toothed comb?"
"Any good offices of mine, madam," replied Holloway, smiling, "my new pupil may most undoubtedly command; and I trust that the attentions he will receive from me will be, at least, as beneficial to his future interests as those you condescend to point out."
"Thank'ee , sir; I am sure that's wery good of you; and you can't say no more ," replied the lady, who now took her leave, and, with the rest of the party, again returned to the rooms of our hero,