His sister coming in, told him, that neighbour Hayrick, passing in his return from church, had informed her, that the vicar had asked him, if he knew anything of Mr. Maxwell, and what had detained him from Divine Service? and that he (Hayrick) "had said as how Tom Tipple the postillion had most killed a gemman with his shay , that the gemman was dying at neighbour Maxwell's cottage, and that Maxwell, he supposed, had stayed at home to keep him kumpany ."

Betty, with the pert flippancy and consequential self-importance of a waiting-maid exalted into confidence , first asked what he had done with his sweetheart, and then, putting her hand in her side and elevating her face, declared that a gentleman such as he oft to be ashamed of himself for keeping company with sich nasty low trollops .
[some narrative omitted]
"Ah! my dear Miss Sukey, were I to give my humble opinion, I think he is nothing to come into compolisom with Mr. O'Rourke. Mr Roger is both more taller and more properer ; he has the fear of God before his eyes, he is in a state of grace, and is moreover the best built, the best shouldered, and the best limbed man one can see in a summer's day; he is consarned for the good of your soul. If you had seen him how grievously he took to it when you went away without once speaking to him, you would have bepitied the poor youth. Were I as you, Madam, I would give over all thought of your ungrateful cousin and give my mind up to Mr O'Rourke. He converted you to a state of grace, and enlightened you with the knowledge of the gospel. He would be a loving and a cherishing husband, and not be running after such gilflirts under your nose."

"A person, Sally? what kind of a person?" "I don't think much, he be a gentleman, though he be very smart." "Well, shew him up." Accordingly the person, as Sally phrased it , was introduced.

[Writing]"Sir; --Having been in business in the child-bed linen way, and not finding things answer, I have been advised by my friends to set up in the litterary line, which they tell me requires little capital, and so no wonder so many poor people takes after it;" ('A very just remark,' observed Lawhunt;) -- "so I am writing a novel, with plenty of ghosteses in it; which is now quite the kick ." ('So it is,' observed Jeffery, 'you see she knows what's what.') Now , sir, as I understand you are a great inkurager of harudishion , I have made bold for to offer you what, to use a compollison , may be called the first child of my virgin muse. ('A very marvellous production,' said our hero, 'this first child of the virgin muse, I dare say, is.') ('I thought,' observed Jeffery, 'you would like the figure.') I hope it will give you satisfaction, and I am, sir, your most humble servant, to command,
Sarah Shift
P.S. If you could let me have a little in advance, shud be much obligated to you."

"Miss, you is wanted in the parlour to breakfastes . --Well, I have been two years and a half, come next Michalmus , in sarvice here, and of all the men that ever I see , mallicious and souldiers, with the colonels and captains, and sargents and cruperals , and sweet grenadiers, none of them, in my mind, is fit to carry a candle to the charming gentleman that had you in his arms." Maria looking down at the last observation, Nanny, to encourage her, "Don't be abashed, ma'am , you need not be ashamed; a more prittear leg I never see in my life, and besides-- --."

He soon, however, informed the company that he was a freeholder of Durham, and proceeded, in the usual style of vulgar loquacity, to open upon his own private affairs. He, it seems, farmed his own lands, and had two sons; one of whom, a stout young man, he was breeding up to husbandry: but the other, a poor puny lad, quite unfit for labour, therefore he was making him a genus , he was to be a great scolard ; he was not more than seventeen years of age, and in two or three years more would be fit for the varsity ; so Mr. Syntax, our schoolmaster, tells me; and he is a perdigious and great scolard .

A servant now entering addressed Mr. Mortimer, saying, " Here be a young squire axing for my measter and young measter: " and immediately after, our hero made his appearance [...]

[Writing] "It has pleased Providence to get me into a bad scrape, so that unless you lend a help in hand to relieve me, I will be rather ill off . I pass for your brother, so pray do not contradict it, and I promise you, if I get out of the clamper , I shall never do so no more .
Your's to command,
Roger O'Rourke"

"I know to a minute when every stagecoach should pass, for I was always pretty cute, and obsarves what is going forewood ." "But why are you in mourning; no family misfortune I hope?" "Oh yes, our Deborah have left me a widower; but as the parson says, the will of Providence must be done. Daughter Peg now keeps house. It was she that made me come down here, for, says she, father, now you be come on in the world, and a gemman , it is right you should pit yourself forewood among other great gentlefolks. I was agreeable, and proposed Margate; but Peg said, says she , Margate will be well enough for the ribble rabble Canille , says she ; but won't do for those who have pretensions to gentility, says she. Most of our old neighbours are gone there that I used to keep company with before I left off business; and my daughter Peg says they won't do for people of condition. This is a good smartish place enough, not much worse than White Conduit House; but for one thing is bad. I axed the waiter for some baccer , he laughed, and told me, as how no smoking was allowed here."

[T]he former had supped, and were preparing to go up stairs to bed, when the servant, a simple country lad, ran into the parlour with terror and consternation, and addressing his master, exclaimed, "Oh, zir, this be a terrible pleace ; there is a murder just done by the church; the two poor gentlemen that comes so often here, the baronight. " "Who" said Captain Mortimer, "And 'Squire Hamilton, are lying in a corpse."

Hamilton tried a pinch of each; the first was mild and relishing. " Ye had better be sparing of the other, or it will set your nose a bluding ; it has already had that effect over the water; an if I dinna mistaak, it will gar their noses blude a great deal mair , if they go on with it; and may bee it's strength may strain it's votaries till they burst blude veshels ." Are there any so foolish, so as to indulge in a scent so very pernicious?" " Oh yes, there are fules eneugh in the warld : it is not, however, that the quality is altogether so noxious, as the quantity or the unskilful application; there are cases in which it will do vara well; for instance, in habits that are vara relaxed; it may gee a better tone to the feebres ; in a palsy, it is the only specific; but on the contrary, if there is anything faverish , it rapidly increases inflammation."

A very stout fellow, who conceived the preacher's looks directed to him, came forward and said, with much indignation; "thee darken my daylights , I will vight thee vor vive guineas."

[T]he voice of his nephew reached his ears, and with the warmest eagerness he called out, so as to be heard through most of the gallery, " It is our ain Willie. " His friend whispered him-- "Pray do not speak so loud, you may interrupt your nephew." -- " Vara weel Sandy, I'll be as quiet as a moose . But Willie is too quiet himself, I wish he would speak better oot : the booy is blate at first."

" I pity you aw , nane of ye half kenns Willie; nay , for that matter, I did not half ken him mysel ." Hamilton smiled. "What is the matter, uncle?" said Maria.-- "Willie made a speech! Willie made a speech!" and he strutted through the room: "if you want to ken what kind of speech it was, ask Mr. Pett and Mr. Dundas, the saaviours of their country; and ask Mr. Burke, that spoke up for the gentry and dignity of the country against rapscallions: he has inveeted Willie and me to his country hoose . Nay , even Mr. Fox, though I suspect he is one of them as they call Foxites, or democrats, or jacobins, which they tell me is all ane , he praised Willie, and said something in laatin to him; but you may all be prood of Willie."