"The next day, though he was walking with his own mother, the Duchess, he shook hands with me, and said to her Grace, 'this has been an old soldier of our regiment--' and her Grace, ( Oh , she's a bonny woman,) smiled and asked me, how long I had been in the service. She had twa unco' pretty lasses wi' her, as like hersel as they could glowr ; and I said, ' Please your Grace, you ha' been young married to ha' sic a son and sic daughters;' and she said she had twa other daughters older, that are married, just as well fared as these are. There was another very likely lassie that Neil Gow shewed me about the same time, a daughter of the Duke of Argyle's."

The barber answered, " I never neglects business for any thing, but who, as I tells them at our club , can be unconcerned at the present kerises and hermgency , we is now no longer barberas like our hancestors , we now knows what's what; we read the Gazetteer, and the Morning Post, and Morning Chronicle, and Dr. Prices' Sarments ; not as we of our club sets great store by sarments , unless they be of the right sort , against Bishops and Kings, and for liberty and equality, and Dr. Priestley's paper-books ,* he is the man of the true light. He says as how there is a gun-powder plot that will blow up the church."
*Meaning, perhaps, pamphlets.
"What! Mr Barber, I'm afraid you are not orthodox," said our hero.
" Horthodok ! no, d--n me , no; I'm one of your Tarins as I tells our Mr. Stave, the clark."
"Tarians! who are they?" says Douglas.
" I can't say as how I knows much who they be, but Dr. Priestley is all for them; and I swears by him , I be one of your haretics , by jingo I be -- I be none of your ignorants that minds parsons, and all that those d--d stuff . I be one of your losophers ."

The Unitarian barber imputing his going away to a conscious inability to contend with him, and turning with exultation to his friends, said, " That's a fine young man as is gone , but he would not venture to hargufy with me. I knows I be a genus, and thinks if I was to take to write books I could do as well as the best of them. Did not Tom Craft, the shoe-maker, take to writing story books and play books, against priests, nobles, and kings, and them sort of people , all out of his own head, without any larning ? and a barber is as likely to be a good writer as a shoe-maker."

By the time they were ushered into that apartment, the gentleman, conceiving he might now utter his sentiments, taking hold of the Doctor by the button, said, "My spouse is one of your tip-top quality breeding; we must be on our P's and Q's before her; she knows more of meaners , and them their sort of things , than most people. You would wonder, if you knew how much I'm come on in gentility since we lived in --." A wink from his wife, an intimation he never disregarded, prevented him from proceeding. The lady began herself:--
"Dr. Vampus, the gentleman who you are now speaking with is a man of property and consekence ; we has plenty of money in the Sols, and has a house in the country, and land, beside our house in town. This is 'Squire Dip, of Dip Hall, near Stepney Green."
"Yes, I bought that place, as I might be near my friend Rugg , who has got a nice country seat by Mile End."
"Mr. Dip," said the lady, "how often must I tell you that you ought never to speak when other people is speaking ."
"I ask pardon, spouse."
"We have," said she, "one son, an accomplished young gentleman as any as walks in Bond Street , or goes to sembly of Shadwell. We gave him the best edication that Edinburgh could afford, but as I growed tired of Edinburgh we returned to the South. Our son, Theodore, is extraordinarily handsome. It is about Theodore I want to speak now. You must know, Sir, as how all the ladies is dying for the love of Theodore; ladies of the highest rank and quality would wish to keep company with our Theodore; but, Sir, a girl, a sort of a servant of one of your governors, fell in fancy with him, and had the audaciousness to think of a husband in young 'Squire Dip."

When Charles made his appearance, Mr. Dip, having viewed his vigorous and athletic figure, said to his spouse, " Egad , spouse, I doubt we are in the wrong box , Theodore has been plugging a little, for his is, certainly, not a match for two of that gentleman, nor indeed for one, if we may trust to appearances."
"You talk like a fool," said the lady, "Theodore never told a falsehood in his life." --( "That's a good one," said the 'Squire, aside, to Dr. Vampus.)-- "Theodore is a good lad, and a pretty lad, but I myself has found that he often draws a long bow ; but, for your life, don't mention I said so." Douglas stated the affair very briefly, but so little to the satisfaction of Madam Dip, that, in a great passion, she said "you oft to be ashamed of yourself for telling such monstratious fibs. I understands how you be the son of a person of consekence ; you act very misbecoming of yourself for to go to take the pearte of the refuge and scum of hearth against such a person of fashion as our Theodore."
"Yes, as spouse says," said 'Squire Dip, "them riff-raff , tag-rag and bob-tail , wulgar wretches are not to be put into compalison with gentlemen of fortunes; our Theodore might have been married to Madam Dutchsquab, that brought a mint of money from the nigers in the Vest Indies. She has is since that my old friend Jacky Dulman has since got."
"I vish ," said the lady, "that I knowed vear to light on that Wilson, I should have a varrant out against him, and let him see how he can stand to go to the law with people of hopulence ."

"Well, I see we shall agree, Sir." -- "I honour your penetration." -- "Accordingly, Sir, I proposed coming up in a Perth smack, to know how the land lay, and that they should follow, if you found agreeable to a settlement. So I have now just one thing to mention, women's travelling is expensive, as they come by land, and neither Mrs. Rhodomontade nor Mrs. Douglas are burthened with the ready , so if you just advance them some hundred pounds, until the dividends upon Mrs. Douglas legacy become due, they would be extremely obligated to you."

Mr Manage was one morning visited by his worthy acquaintance, Mr. Swearwell. "Aye, my old blade, I am rejoiced to see your chubby phiz again. Well, any more confirmation of the Nabob's exit? Any more accounts from Madagascar?"
"None, but what arrived in the same ship with those you received."
"Oh, there can be no doubt of it. Old Rhode, Mrs. Douglas, and I, are just come to town in a post-shay . We slept last night at that place where the mills are, upon which a song is made."
"Baldock, most likely," said Mr. Manage.
"Aye, the same. Arrah , by Jasus , the chamber-maid there is one of the finest, tightest , little girls I have seen, since I left the Curraugh of Kildare. Old Rhode was casting a sheep's eye at her, for he is a wicked old dog; you will like him hugely, he is quite an old reprobate. I must bring him to dine with you--he has such a set of songs and stories as will make you split your sides with laughing. Do you dine at home to-day?"

Master Theodore was the son of Mr. Jacob Dip, formerly a tallow-chandler near the Seven Dials in London, who, having made a considerable fortune, was prevailed upon by his wife to retire from business, and be a gemman .[...]
Mrs. Dip, with a dignified composure, remarked to her companions, that she always, instead of being angry, pitied them low, illiterate creatures . "I always, my dear Mrs. Secondhand, computes their behavour to their ignorance."
Edinburgh, she had often heard, was a place in which there was the most genteelest society , and she expected that she could equal Scotch ladies of fashion in elegance, as she could equal many of them in expence.

"Oh, yes," said Mrs. Dip, "I think I knows what breeding is, and I'll give an incense of his'n . There was a parson there, in the same house with his wife, and what do you think? Although I heard for certain that he had not more than two hundred a year, clear in the world--although the 'Squire, God be praised, could produce a guinea for every half-crown he had, yet Mr. Manage preferred the company of the parson and his wife to 'Squire Dip and me. There was breeding for you; there was minding people of extinction . I never in my born days received such rudeness, except once. However, I always, as I says , computeth as to people's ignorance. There is no getting at all people to have the breeding they oft to have."