"Oh, my beloved bretheren," he said, in a true Caledonian accent , "what a blessed doctrine it is that we are not to be clothed, yea, I say unto you, clothed in filthy nasty rags of our ain righteousness, but the splendid robs of Christ. It dis na signify how great sinners you ha been, or are, provided you do but believe . Do na be loosing your time in laabouring aifter morality and virtue, and sic haithenish things, seek for grace, seek for it, and not only speunefus but ladlefus , not only ladlefus but kettlefus . The grace of God is irresistible when ainsce you have had the effectual calling, you ay persaivere in the parts of grace. I noo proceed to expound to you in our chief doctrines of the persaivairance of the Sants .
" Dinna understand that the Sants are to persaivere in any particular kinds of works, only in faith. As to works, the Sants ken better than to value themselves on them; Satan often buffets the ailect , tempting them to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life; as to the lust of the flesh, I wonna say that the Sants dinna indulge in them as much as other folks , but then what dis it signify what they do with their impure bodies, so that they keep the sowls pure from unbelif; but as the backslidings of the Sants are a stumbling block to the wicked, I coonsel all that ken themselves to be of the ailect , to keep among their ain number. Why should not the lambs of God play together ?"

I must give it to you in his own words, madam, because you would not like to lose any part of it. "Lord Fitzarnold, a fine young man with a very large estate, has made so free with an English gentleman, as to carry off his wife per force!" "Aye, " replied some of the company, "how happened that?" "True upon my soul!" says O'Nettle; "it was neither by your leave nor with your leave; and if report says true, what was most extraordinary, it was against the lady's own consent!" "Why then," replied others, "won't his lordship be hanged?" "Why no," says O'Nettle; "I suppose circumstances will come out to prevent that, for it seems the lady and her husband lived on very ill terms, and that will go a great way to exculpate Lord Fitzarnold." "O now I think of it," said Mrs. Lacy, "it was mentioned in our still room the other day, and one of our servants had got a letter from one Macardoe, who lives with Lord Fitzarnold; and moreover, he said that the lady was got away and gone nobody knew whither , and that she was the sweetest creature that ever was seen."

"I knows nothing of a lady," replied the post-boy, (drawing up his horses, and scratching his head,) "but if anybody wants a cast , I'll take 'em to the turnpike for a can of whiskey."

Having out of friendship for the family, upon whose estate, praised be Heaven! I and mine have lived rent free time out of mind, voluntarily undertaken to publish the Memoirs of the Rackrent family, I think it my duty to say a few words, in the first place, concerning myself.--My real name is Thady Quirk, though in the family I have always been known by no other than " honest Thady "--afterwards, in the time of Sir Murtagh, deceased, I can remember to hear them calling me " old Thady ;" and now I'm come to "poor Thady"--for I wear a long great coat, winter and summer, which is very handy, as I never put my arms into the sleeves, (they are as good as new,) though come Holantide next, I've had it these seven years; it holds on by a single button round my neck, cloak fashion--to look at me, you would hardly think "poor Thady" was the father of attorney Quirk; he is a high gentleman, and never minds what poor Thady says, and having better than 1500 a year, landed estate, looks down upon honest Thady, but I wash my hands of his doings, and as I have lived so will I die, true and loyal to the family.--The family of the Rackrents is, I am proud to say, one of the most ancient in the kingdom.--Every body knows this is not the old family name, which was O'Shaughlin, related to the Kings of Ireland--but that was before my time.

At this Judy takes up the corner of her apron, and puts it first to one eye and then to t'other, being to all appearance in great trouble; and my shister put in her word , and bid his honor have a good heart, for she was sure it was only the gout that Sir Patrick used to have flying about him, and that he ought to drink a glass or a bottle extraordinary to keep it out of his stomach, and he promised to take her advice, and sent out for more spirits immediately; and Judy made a sign to me, and I went over to the door to her, and she said-- " I wonder to see Sir Condy so low!--Has he heard the news?" "What news?" says I.-- "Did'nt ye hear it, then? (says she) my lady Rackrent that was is kilt and lying for dead, and I don't doubt but that it's all over with her by this time." --"Mercy on us all, (says I) how was it?"--"The jaunting car, it was that ran away with her, (says Judy).

"Alack, and a well-a-day!" said the old woman, "he has been gone ever since day-break: he left his best sarvice to you, but he said his business would not admit of delay. To my mind, 'twas a pity that he would not bide to take a snap of breakfast this cold morning."-- Miriam sighed.-- "He was a comely looking man. Pray, Miss Merry, what is he called?"
"I know not; I did not ask him."
"Where did he come from, Miss?"
"That also I am ignorant of. I thought--I hoped--I wished to know many things which this sudden departure, this---"
"Good lack! good lack! Miss, the kettle has done boiling ever so long, and you have not made the tea," said Joanna [omitted some narrative and Miriam's dialogue]
"You grow terribly moody-hearted , Miss," said Joanna. "I wish my master was returned , for then it would not be so dull and so lonely, mayhap ."

"Lord! Lord! how malancholy ," said Joanna. "I do believe as 'tis a franzy fever ;" and leaving the room, she went into the servants' hall, to report her opinion to them, and to beg that one of them would go into the parlour, and acquaint the family.
[some narrative omitted]
"What d'ye want, Joanna?" said Fitzpatrick.
" Oh your Honour! Oh your Honour's Lady! here's a sad to do, or I should not have made so bold. I went into the servants' hall, but I believe there's a parcel of savages there, for they wouldn't hearken to me."
"What is it?" cried Mrs. Fitzpatrick hastily, as if teased by her story.
"I ask pardon, your Honour's Lady, for my boldness in appearing before you; but indeed 'twould melt a heart of stone--poor dear young soul, poor innocent young creature, poor, poor Miss Merry!" Henry Stafford rose from his seat, and advanced towards her.
"What is it?" cried Fitzpatrick, peevishly.
"Oh your Honour, poor Miss Merry is taken with a franzy faver !"
[some narrative omitted]
"Oh my lady! your Honour's Lady!" cried Joanna, "she is a very pittice objec indeed, and a doctor must come to her."

She enquired who was there, and was answered in a well-known key-- " 'Tis me, Miss; 'tis your old Joanna."
"Come in," said Miriam, wondering what could cause the appearance of Joanna at Menooth.
" Ah, Miss!" said Joanna, "I should not have made so bold as to intrude, but I have such news for ye ! Law , Miss, master's at the Castle!"
"Who? cried Miriam, in consternation.
"Mr. Fitzpatrick, Miss, but, Lord! don'tee look so pale; you needn't be afeard of he , for he's in a bad taking hisself ."
"What is the matter?" said Miriam; "come sit down, and relate your story."
" Oh Miss!" said Joanna, doing as she was bid, and wiping her forehead, "this comes of old gentlemen or elderly gentlemen marrying young beauties; never no good can come , I'm very sartin ; but howsomdever I'll tell you.--Last night, 'twas near ten o'clock, and Joseph was just stirring out the fire, and I was unpinning my cap, when helter-skelter we heard such a noise! " Lord , Joseph!" says I , "is that thunder?"
"No, I'fackins !" says Joseph; "but 'tis a carriage coming down the paved road."
Lack a-day , what a pother I was in! The bell ring'd at the door, and I ran to it, and held the candle while Joseph unlocked it."
"Who's here?" says Joseph.
"Friends," was the answer.
" Lack-a-daisy ," says I , "why sure that's master's footman?"
"Yes, 'tis indeed!" says Robert; "open the door directly, for my master's outside."
" Blessed Lord , how I did shake!"
"Now," said Robert, "is Mrs. Fitzpatrick here?"
"Here!" says I ; " Lord helpee , Robert be dreaming ?"
"Has she been here?"
"No, I'fegs !" says Joseph; " this be no place for a gay body like she ."
"I told my master so," said Robert, "but he wouldn't hearken to me." -- Well , Miss, the short and the long is, that Mrs. Fitzpatrick has 'loped and carried off a deal of money with her. Robert says all the sarvants know as 'tis with a young East Indian, as she has kept company with a great while; but master wouldn't hearken to him that she was gone sure enough , but thought 'twas all of a frolic , till he com'd down to the Castle, and found 'twas true. Poor gentleman, I do pity en , for he looks cruel bad , and 'tis hard to be so tricked:--however, he's paid now for all his wickedness to you, Miss, and all the sarvants , they does laugh about it, and say their master is well sarved for his pains, in vent'ring on such a mad-cap , hoity-toity thing ."