By the time they were ushered into that apartment, the gentleman, conceiving he might now utter his sentiments, taking hold of the Doctor by the button, said, "My spouse is one of your tip-top quality breeding; we must be on our P's and Q's before her; she knows more of meaners , and them their sort of things , than most people. You would wonder, if you knew how much I'm come on in gentility since we lived in --." A wink from his wife, an intimation he never disregarded, prevented him from proceeding. The lady began herself:--
"Dr. Vampus, the gentleman who you are now speaking with is a man of property and consekence ; we has plenty of money in the Sols, and has a house in the country, and land, beside our house in town. This is 'Squire Dip, of Dip Hall, near Stepney Green."
"Yes, I bought that place, as I might be near my friend Rugg , who has got a nice country seat by Mile End."
"Mr. Dip," said the lady, "how often must I tell you that you ought never to speak when other people is speaking ."
"I ask pardon, spouse."
"We have," said she, "one son, an accomplished young gentleman as any as walks in Bond Street , or goes to sembly of Shadwell. We gave him the best edication that Edinburgh could afford, but as I growed tired of Edinburgh we returned to the South. Our son, Theodore, is extraordinarily handsome. It is about Theodore I want to speak now. You must know, Sir, as how all the ladies is dying for the love of Theodore; ladies of the highest rank and quality would wish to keep company with our Theodore; but, Sir, a girl, a sort of a servant of one of your governors, fell in fancy with him, and had the audaciousness to think of a husband in young 'Squire Dip."

When Charles made his appearance, Mr. Dip, having viewed his vigorous and athletic figure, said to his spouse, " Egad , spouse, I doubt we are in the wrong box , Theodore has been plugging a little, for his is, certainly, not a match for two of that gentleman, nor indeed for one, if we may trust to appearances."
"You talk like a fool," said the lady, "Theodore never told a falsehood in his life." --( "That's a good one," said the 'Squire, aside, to Dr. Vampus.)-- "Theodore is a good lad, and a pretty lad, but I myself has found that he often draws a long bow ; but, for your life, don't mention I said so." Douglas stated the affair very briefly, but so little to the satisfaction of Madam Dip, that, in a great passion, she said "you oft to be ashamed of yourself for telling such monstratious fibs. I understands how you be the son of a person of consekence ; you act very misbecoming of yourself for to go to take the pearte of the refuge and scum of hearth against such a person of fashion as our Theodore."
"Yes, as spouse says," said 'Squire Dip, "them riff-raff , tag-rag and bob-tail , wulgar wretches are not to be put into compalison with gentlemen of fortunes; our Theodore might have been married to Madam Dutchsquab, that brought a mint of money from the nigers in the Vest Indies. She has is since that my old friend Jacky Dulman has since got."
"I vish ," said the lady, "that I knowed vear to light on that Wilson, I should have a varrant out against him, and let him see how he can stand to go to the law with people of hopulence ."

When Charles made his appearance, Mr. Dip, having viewed his vigorous and athletic figure, said to his spouse, " Egad , spouse, I doubt we are in the wrong box , Theodore has been plugging a little, for his is, certainly, not a match for two of that gentleman, nor indeed for one, if we may trust to appearances."
"You talk like a fool," said the lady, "Theodore never told a falsehood in his life." --( "That's a good one," said the 'Squire, aside, to Dr. Vampus.)-- "Theodore is a good lad, and a pretty lad, but I myself has found that he often draws a long bow ; but, for your life, don't mention I said so." Douglas stated the affair very briefly, but so little to the satisfaction of Madam Dip, that, in a great passion, she said "you oft to be ashamed of yourself for telling such monstratious fibs. I understands how you be the son of a person of consekence ; you act very misbecoming of yourself for to go to take the pearte of the refuge and scum of hearth against such a person of fashion as our Theodore."
"Yes, as spouse says," said 'Squire Dip, "them riff-raff , tag-rag and bob-tail , wulgar wretches are not to be put into compalison with gentlemen of fortunes; our Theodore might have been married to Madam Dutchsquab, that brought a mint of money from the nigers in the Vest Indies. She has is since that my old friend Jacky Dulman has since got."
"I vish ," said the lady, "that I knowed vear to light on that Wilson, I should have a varrant out against him, and let him see how he can stand to go to the law with people of hopulence ."

"Oh, yes," said Mrs. Dip, "I think I knows what breeding is, and I'll give an incense of his'n . There was a parson there, in the same house with his wife, and what do you think? Although I heard for certain that he had not more than two hundred a year, clear in the world--although the 'Squire, God be praised, could produce a guinea for every half-crown he had, yet Mr. Manage preferred the company of the parson and his wife to 'Squire Dip and me. There was breeding for you; there was minding people of extinction . I never in my born days received such rudeness, except once. However, I always, as I says , computeth as to people's ignorance. There is no getting at all people to have the breeding they oft to have."

" To be sure ," (he would say,) "Laird, you are a little of a rake, like my old friend Sandwich, but all clever fellows is the same . Damme , old Jack wears well, many a hard bout we two have had. I once gained a rump and dozen, by drinking four bottles of port, after I had, at glass for glass, laid him under the table. Oh, G-d! we shall never see such days as we have seen. He and I, cleared a dozen of bullies, who had assaulted us in mother Douglas's. My good friend Harry Fielding, I remember, he, you know, wrote Don Quixote , was justice at Bow Street, and read us a severe lecture. Billy Murray, I remember, bailed us, he that is now Lord Mansfield."
" By G- d, Laird, old Fielding would have delighted you, his humour and your's, would have hit to a T ."

"You were at Malplaquet," said Longhead.
"Yes I was, do you doubt it?"
"By no means, after your asserting it but I am surprized at it, as it was bought near twenty years before you were born."
"Then it was some other. I was at so many, I often confound one with another. My friend, Harry Fielding too, did not know a single word of Latin or Greek, and where would you find a cleverer fellow? I knew him intimately. He and I were hand and glove . He read his Roderic Random to me before he published it-- D--n my heart , what are you Homer and Pindus, and Europrius, and so forth, to make a clever man, compared with travelling, and knowing men and things?"
"I did not know," said Mr. Wiseman, "Fielding was ignorant of Greek and Latin; nor, indeed, that he had written Roderick Random."

To keep you therefore no longer in suspense, Lucy began by saying, (in a hesitating voice and a countenance strongly impressed with terror,) "Law, mame !, you look frightened;--sure you hav'n't seen any thing! O dear me, mame , this house is sartainly haunted. I have heard sitch noises as none but spirits could make; and as sure as I stands here alive, the t'other night, as I was a coming through the gallery where all the pictures be, I heard a noise, and as I turned my head, ( tho' I generally shuts my eyes if I comes that way,) law! I thought I should a died; for the great picture of the ould lady as fronts the door, and I always thinks looks at me, but now its eyes moved, and I saw them as plain, mame , as I now see your's move. Well -- I runs screaming back again, and just as I got to the great stairs I met Mary housemaid, and so she seeing me so frighted, we took fast hold of one another, and shut our eyes, and so we run downstairs; and when I told her what had made me so frightful, she was not at all surprised, for she said she had seen it more than once or twice; and when she told it in the kitchen, Mr. Harding, master's gentleman, said there was no occasion to be afeard , for sitch things did happen now a-days; and said as how he had read a book called The Castle of Trantum, where the pictures walked out of their frames, and sighed; and I think he said, sometimes spoke! Lord bless us! it makes me shake now but to think on't. However, I have never ventured through the gallery since; but I believe it is the same in every place in the house; for the dairy-maid, who is up sometimes before 'tis light, says she has seen lights and and faces a looking through the windows in the lower buildings, and heard sitch noises, as she's sure the ghosts must be playing strange gambols .

I asked Arthur Bennet, in a careless manner, if the castle had not been always famous for strange and unaccountable noises. "Yes, good madam," he replied, "that it has; but I never minded the nonsense that was talked. I have lived in it nine-and-forty years come next Michaelmas, and, thank God, have never see'd anything uglier than myself. As to noises, 'tis impossible that in such a great rambling place, but that there must be noises. Why I reckon there be rats as old as I am, or nearly; and then the wind makes its way in all the long passages and staicases enough to startle a bold man. But I hope, my dear lady, you have met with nothing to fright or terrify you; and I am sorry you did not go to London with his honour: such a sweet couple should never be parted. My old master and mistress never were divided for fifty years, and only then by death. But fashions be changed since then, and they say as nobody lives in that sort of way now a-days,--the more's the pity; for when two people loves one another , they should always be together."

Dear John,
[Writing] You nose as I promished to rite , and I be the more willen so to do becuase you nose of my parshality to Mrs. Jane, an I shud a rit soonder , but we a been in so mutsh bussle an confushion that I had no hart to set down to rite . My lord is gon now, marcy on him--I wish weed niver comed hear , but I musent tell tails . Sitch wachings and ridings by day an by nite , an for wat , for nothin but wat wull be a disgrase an the sweetest lady--but she as gin us the go by , an now we be all left at Blanzey upon bored wages, an not a thing we can get for our munny , for theres nothen to be had. Ireland is tore to peces , sad doins, indeed you may meet we rebles evry step you stur , an evry body goes harmed , an fokes hear mins no moor bein murdurd than if they was goen to a feest . Lord help us say I, but this is nothen to the purpus of wat as I ment to rite about. Tell Mrs. Jane as how in all my trubbles , an all my gurneys , an all my walkins , I niver forgot she , nor was niver arter thinkin of any thing ellse , tho my lord kep us up nite arter nite , an now we ha bin skuwring ovver the contry for madam, I musent menchun her name for fear of axidents . I think she must be dead or killed by the rebles , for wear can she be gon to, she ha no frends hear , and dont no nothen of her way, how shoud she poor sowl , an she was carred off in sitch a frite an a urry from her oun hous as she niver rekoverd , and she woudent speke to my lord if she cood help it, and was resentful to the last, but when my lord whent away, he sayed as how hed niver com bak till hed foond her, for she was all he walled in lif , so how it will hend God only nose , but bein as how she was a marred whoman , hit may prov a bad gob , and my pore lord git into trubble , but whinever you tels hit hit must be a seekret . I shal be glad to here from you. Plees to remembar me to all freends , and in partikilar to Mrs. Jane. Dereckt to me at write honnabel Lord Wycount Fitzarnolds Blanzey Lodge near Limerick Ireland, an if you pays the postadge it wull com free, so no more to command your
Loving freend
Stephen Macardoe
P.S. If you shoud here of Madam Sent Edward you may let me no , and you shall sheer sum of my reward, but her nam musent be menshend .