"These shrubs?" said she-- "Trees," said he-- "May be they are what you call trees in Ireland, my dear, (says she) but they are not a yard high, are they?" -- "They were planted out but last year, my lady," says I, to soften matters between them, for I saw she was going the way to make his honor mad with her-- "they are very well grown for their age, and you'll not see the bog of Allyballycarricko'shaughlin at all at all through the skreen, when once the leaves come out--But, my lady, you must not quarrel with any part or parcel of Allyballycarricko'shaughlin, for you don't know how many hundred years that same bit of bog has been in the family, we would not part with the bog of Allyballycarricko'shaughlin upon no account at all ; it cost the late Sir Murtagh two hundred good pounds to defend his title to it, and boundaries, against the O'Learys, who cut a road through it." -- Now one would have thought this would have been hint enough for my lady, but she fell to laughing like one out of their right mind, and made me say the name of the bog over for her to get it by heart a dozen times--then she must ask me how to spell it, and what was the meaning of it in English --Sir Kit standing by whistling all the while--I verily believe she laid the corner stone for all her future misfortunes at that very instant--but I said no more, only looked at Sir Kit.

At this Judy takes up the corner of her apron, and puts it first to one eye and then to t'other, being to all appearance in great trouble; and my shister put in her word , and bid his honor have a good heart, for she was sure it was only the gout that Sir Patrick used to have flying about him, and that he ought to drink a glass or a bottle extraordinary to keep it out of his stomach, and he promised to take her advice, and sent out for more spirits immediately; and Judy made a sign to me, and I went over to the door to her, and she said-- " I wonder to see Sir Condy so low!--Has he heard the news?" "What news?" says I.-- "Did'nt ye hear it, then? (says she) my lady Rackrent that was is kilt and lying for dead, and I don't doubt but that it's all over with her by this time." --"Mercy on us all, (says I) how was it?"--"The jaunting car, it was that ran away with her, (says Judy).

"Alack, and a well-a-day!" said the old woman, "he has been gone ever since day-break: he left his best sarvice to you, but he said his business would not admit of delay. To my mind, 'twas a pity that he would not bide to take a snap of breakfast this cold morning."-- Miriam sighed.-- "He was a comely looking man. Pray, Miss Merry, what is he called?"
"I know not; I did not ask him."
"Where did he come from, Miss?"
"That also I am ignorant of. I thought--I hoped--I wished to know many things which this sudden departure, this---"
"Good lack! good lack! Miss, the kettle has done boiling ever so long, and you have not made the tea," said Joanna [omitted some narrative and Miriam's dialogue]
"You grow terribly moody-hearted , Miss," said Joanna. "I wish my master was returned , for then it would not be so dull and so lonely, mayhap ."

Joanna, the simple-hearted Joanna, followed her.-- " Don't cry, dear Miss Merry," said she; " don't be afraid to see master; I warrant he won't scold you; he can't sure , if he looks in your face; and the new madam, I warrant she'll be as glad as a bird of such a nice company keeper in this lonesome place." [omitted: some of Miriam's dialogue]
"Aye to be sure , that's what he will," said Joanna as she staid a bit after Miriam, to adjust her own homely coif at the glass, that she might not be, to use her own term , a "figure of fun" amongst "genteel grand servants."

"Lord! Lord! how malancholy ," said Joanna. "I do believe as 'tis a franzy fever ;" and leaving the room, she went into the servants' hall, to report her opinion to them, and to beg that one of them would go into the parlour, and acquaint the family.
[some narrative omitted]
"What d'ye want, Joanna?" said Fitzpatrick.
" Oh your Honour! Oh your Honour's Lady! here's a sad to do, or I should not have made so bold. I went into the servants' hall, but I believe there's a parcel of savages there, for they wouldn't hearken to me."
"What is it?" cried Mrs. Fitzpatrick hastily, as if teased by her story.
"I ask pardon, your Honour's Lady, for my boldness in appearing before you; but indeed 'twould melt a heart of stone--poor dear young soul, poor innocent young creature, poor, poor Miss Merry!" Henry Stafford rose from his seat, and advanced towards her.
"What is it?" cried Fitzpatrick, peevishly.
"Oh your Honour, poor Miss Merry is taken with a franzy faver !"
[some narrative omitted]
"Oh my lady! your Honour's Lady!" cried Joanna, "she is a very pittice objec indeed, and a doctor must come to her."

She enquired who was there, and was answered in a well-known key-- " 'Tis me, Miss; 'tis your old Joanna."
"Come in," said Miriam, wondering what could cause the appearance of Joanna at Menooth.
" Ah, Miss!" said Joanna, "I should not have made so bold as to intrude, but I have such news for ye ! Law , Miss, master's at the Castle!"
"Who? cried Miriam, in consternation.
"Mr. Fitzpatrick, Miss, but, Lord! don'tee look so pale; you needn't be afeard of he , for he's in a bad taking hisself ."
"What is the matter?" said Miriam; "come sit down, and relate your story."
" Oh Miss!" said Joanna, doing as she was bid, and wiping her forehead, "this comes of old gentlemen or elderly gentlemen marrying young beauties; never no good can come , I'm very sartin ; but howsomdever I'll tell you.--Last night, 'twas near ten o'clock, and Joseph was just stirring out the fire, and I was unpinning my cap, when helter-skelter we heard such a noise! " Lord , Joseph!" says I , "is that thunder?"
"No, I'fackins !" says Joseph; "but 'tis a carriage coming down the paved road."
Lack a-day , what a pother I was in! The bell ring'd at the door, and I ran to it, and held the candle while Joseph unlocked it."
"Who's here?" says Joseph.
"Friends," was the answer.
" Lack-a-daisy ," says I , "why sure that's master's footman?"
"Yes, 'tis indeed!" says Robert; "open the door directly, for my master's outside."
" Blessed Lord , how I did shake!"
"Now," said Robert, "is Mrs. Fitzpatrick here?"
"Here!" says I ; " Lord helpee , Robert be dreaming ?"
"Has she been here?"
"No, I'fegs !" says Joseph; " this be no place for a gay body like she ."
"I told my master so," said Robert, "but he wouldn't hearken to me." -- Well , Miss, the short and the long is, that Mrs. Fitzpatrick has 'loped and carried off a deal of money with her. Robert says all the sarvants know as 'tis with a young East Indian, as she has kept company with a great while; but master wouldn't hearken to him that she was gone sure enough , but thought 'twas all of a frolic , till he com'd down to the Castle, and found 'twas true. Poor gentleman, I do pity en , for he looks cruel bad , and 'tis hard to be so tricked:--however, he's paid now for all his wickedness to you, Miss, and all the sarvants , they does laugh about it, and say their master is well sarved for his pains, in vent'ring on such a mad-cap , hoity-toity thing ."

A tall thin female, of a most shewy appearance, came up close to Mr. and Mrs. Fitzpatrick, and making two very low curtsies close before them, said-- "How d'ye do, Mem ? How d'ye do, Sir? Welcome to our parts ; I shall be happy to see you at Burtel."
Mortimer disguised not his mirth at this speech .

Sir, what men of learning have you here--what men of letters? Have you reading rooms, and clubs for litterhairy people?"
" Oh yes, Mem , we have plenty of them there circulating libraries."
"My good Sir, but they are composed of Novels I suppose?"
" No, Mem ,: I beg your pardon, Mem ,; but we gets the news there too, London as well as Exeter. I read 'em myself most days in the week, for I've a turn for reading myself."
[some text omitted]
"Have you read the Puzzles of Litterhater ?" said Miss Davis, drawing up her head majestically.
"No, Miss, can't say I have."
The young gentleman looked at Henrietta. She smiled, and turned towards her protector, who, looking at Miriam, smiled also; and this little mistake of Miss Davis's had made four of the party more sociable in a single moment, than otherwise they might have been in a week.
[some text omitted]
"Indeed, Miss," said Mr. Jones, "I should like to get the book for my wife and daughter to read; for when they set about their fiddle-faddles , and their gimcracks, card-paper hornaments , as they call 'em , and their fillagers , and the rest of their sticking works, they make a fine mess, and a deuced litter too, and there's nobody hates a litter more than I do."-- The young lady could no longer resist her propensity to laugh. -- "And I suppose, Miss, this book as you mentioned, a litter hater , has something to say about them there things."