Mrs. Belmont was proud of having a titled lady her guest. "Absolutely, my dear," she said, when writing to Lady Wilmot, "her ladyship is an inmate of our house, and is as quiet and easy as if it was yourself; who certainly are a lady too, but your husband is no lord, as her's was' and she is to have another lord for her husband, and is, besides, the mother of a lord; but as I was saying, she is quiet and easy but not so her woman, who is as troublesome a wench as ever entered a house. "Oh! mem ," said she to me, on their first coming, " I always has a fire in my room, and I'se cannot bear the windor open; as I have the rheumatis in my harm , and the hair always brings it on ." Thus she goes on, like all folks on the other side of the water, clipping the king's English; and then she has such blarney to her lady -- her lady the countess that is to be. "

"Oh, my dear Miss Sybella! you must be deceived -- be assured her ladyship would not listen to a declaration of love from him!" said Mrs. Belmont, pale with anger; yet afraid of further irritating Sybella. "He dared not offend her delicacy with such talk; and no disparagement to you, Miss Sybella, but you know your lugs are not quite right ; and --"
" My what! ma'am -- lugs , do you say? I suppose that is one of your Irish expressions. "
" Well , miss; in plain English I mean to say , that as your ears are bothered , my Bobby might have been talking of you; and you, knowing listeners never hear good of themselves, set it all down to the count of her ladyship."

Mrs. Belmont replied in the affirmative; and continued -- "The poor boy came to me quite disconsolate, and in order to raise his spirits, I took him to visit an old friend, whom I had not seen for these twenty years, Mrs. Liddel. Well, we had a power of chat , and Watty sat all the time patient enough; at last she asked me to take some refreshment after my walk: I refused as I never lunched, and was as full as a tick , after the grand breakfast I had eat with your ladyship; upon which, she said, making a pretty endearing voice; -- 'Perhaps I can prevail on little master to eat some bread and jam?' I laughed, and said those days were over with him: the lady looked shocked; Watty turned red and pale with mortification; and he has not held up his head since; nothing but the myrtle crown can console him."

On his entering the hotel, Jacky! the chambermaid exclaimed, "Sir, you've gotten a blue ee ." * "I have got two," replied he; "but I met with a blackguard of your country, and he has run against me, and just left his mark." " It's awful," cried Jacky. " Aye ," replied our young friend, "and I have got my pantaloons torn besides." " Eh! mercy! weel, but," added Jacky, "it might ha been war (worse) , for I can mend them for you." So saying, our youth went to bed, and I saw nothing of him until he appeared at dinner. He told us, laughing, that Jacky had mended his breeks , as she called them .
* The Scotch call a black eye a blue eye .

But unceremonious Archy, and conscientious Allan, oppose the thing. Archy brutally informs him that he does na ken him; that he may be as muckle o' a lord, as she is an honorable miss; that naething but the siller doon would satisfee the creditors; and that even then, as it is a criminal information which is lodged against her, he must bring her before the magistrates to answer to the charge: besides, adds brutal Archy, a' the quality of Embry is just affronted by her.
Allan, with a mild and sly look, and an inclination to mercy whenever interest did not most particularly stand in the way, urged the propriety of sifting the plot to the bottom; of finding out how far the mischief went; of consulting her other creditors, who had not, like Potifer, the Druggist, in George Street, taken out a fugitive writ; "and," added he, "it would be dishonorable in me to allow that gentleman, supposing him to be a lord, to marry he does na ken wha ; it wud be but discreet to ken wha the leddy really is; and perhaps, at the winding up, things may na be sae bad as they look the noo . "
There was a good deal of wisdom and circumspection in these observations, and they acted as a powerful refrigerent on Lord Stone's flame.
Allan's advice was taken, and the lady was borne away seemingly lifeless, uttering in broken accents that she was ruined; but that she feared not the minutest investigation of her family and conduct; and that, if she had been indiscreet she was not criminal. "I dare to say sae ," said mild Allan, taking a pinch of snuff; " an gin your story be true, the gentleman will may be marry ye after a ." Lord S. swore that he would; whilst Archy asked my lord if he wud na treat him to a dram; and advised him no to marry sic a ----.
Miss S. was allowed to lay down for a few hours, whilst the limbs of the law, or rather of the devil (for these are the lowest, blighted, and blasted branches of that learned profession), ate and drank heartily at Lord Stone's expense, and inflamed the reckoning as much as possible.
The lady was now torn from his arms, and boxed up in a chaise with mild, silver-tongued Allan and a concurrent, as most likely to use her well. The rest of the banditti were paid and dispersed; whilst my lord, against whom no writ was issued, suffered Archy to ride in his carriage, in order to keep the bear in good humour: and now he was completely tamed, and as obsequious as a slave. Upon receiving a bit of the flimsy in his pooch , he promised no to interfere with the puir divil of a lassie , and to hide himsel gaing through the toon , that my lord might no be affronted by being thought to be taen up; "though," continued he, "I hae had the best in the laund in my custody."
On the road he entertained the peer with a' the titled folk, knights, baronets, and honorable misters, whom he had had in his grip, as well as about street rows and wild students, and wilder limmers , and how he had to arrest the leddies twa or three times every week, and how stupid idiots of credulous men aye answered for them and took them out, and how my lord ought to beware of bad hooses ,--although, to be sure , he kent ane or twa discreet places where person and property were safe, and where you might leave gold untold. He kent lucky sic a ane , wha wad na hae a dishonorable thing done in her hoose for a' the warld . She was a bony bit creatury when she was a lassie , and he kent her then, and had to put her in prison for a quarrel and faight wi another lassie ; but she was turned quite douce and discreet, and respectable noo . There was na a mair decenter hoose-hadder in the toon , nor wha paid her cess and taxes mair regularly than her; and she might hae been married upon a minister at ae time, but she kent better sense ; it was onely her siller that the chil wanted. What's the use o' marrying, except it be to better ane's sel .

But unceremonious Archy, and conscientious Allan, oppose the thing. Archy brutally informs him that he does na ken him; that he may be as muckle o' a lord, as she is an honorable miss; that naething but the siller doon would satisfee the creditors; and that even then, as it is a criminal information which is lodged against her, he must bring her before the magistrates to answer to the charge: besides, adds brutal Archy, a' the quality of Embry is just affronted by her.
Allan, with a mild and sly look, and an inclination to mercy whenever interest did not most particularly stand in the way, urged the propriety of sifting the plot to the bottom; of finding out how far the mischief went; of consulting her other creditors, who had not, like Potifer, the Druggist, in George Street, taken out a fugitive writ; "and," added he, "it would be dishonorable in me to allow that gentleman, supposing him to be a lord, to marry he does na ken wha ; it wud be but discreet to ken wha the leddy really is; and perhaps, at the winding up, things may na be sae bad as they look the noo . "
There was a good deal of wisdom and circumspection in these observations, and they acted as a powerful refrigerent on Lord Stone's flame.
Allan's advice was taken, and the lady was borne away seemingly lifeless, uttering in broken accents that she was ruined; but that she feared not the minutest investigation of her family and conduct; and that, if she had been indiscreet she was not criminal. "I dare to say sae ," said mild Allan, taking a pinch of snuff; " an gin your story be true, the gentleman will may be marry ye after a ." Lord S. swore that he would; whilst Archy asked my lord if he wud na treat him to a dram; and advised him no to marry sic a ----.
Miss S. was allowed to lay down for a few hours, whilst the limbs of the law, or rather of the devil (for these are the lowest, blighted, and blasted branches of that learned profession), ate and drank heartily at Lord Stone's expense, and inflamed the reckoning as much as possible.
The lady was now torn from his arms, and boxed up in a chaise with mild, silver-tongued Allan and a concurrent, as most likely to use her well. The rest of the banditti were paid and dispersed; whilst my lord, against whom no writ was issued, suffered Archy to ride in his carriage, in order to keep the bear in good humour: and now he was completely tamed, and as obsequious as a slave. Upon receiving a bit of the flimsy in his pooch , he promised no to interfere with the puir divil of a lassie , and to hide himsel gaing through the toon , that my lord might no be affronted by being thought to be taen up; "though," continued he, "I hae had the best in the laund in my custody."
On the road he entertained the peer with a' the titled folk, knights, baronets, and honorable misters, whom he had had in his grip, as well as about street rows and wild students, and wilder limmers , and how he had to arrest the leddies twa or three times every week, and how stupid idiots of credulous men aye answered for them and took them out, and how my lord ought to beware of bad hooses ,--although, to be sure , he kent ane or twa discreet places where person and property were safe, and where you might leave gold untold. He kent lucky sic a ane , wha wad na hae a dishonorable thing done in her hoose for a' the warld . She was a bony bit creatury when she was a lassie , and he kent her then, and had to put her in prison for a quarrel and faight wi another lassie ; but she was turned quite douce and discreet, and respectable noo . There was na a mair decenter hoose-hadder in the toon , nor wha paid her cess and taxes mair regularly than her; and she might hae been married upon a minister at ae time, but she kent better sense ; it was onely her siller that the chil wanted. What's the use o' marrying, except it be to better ane's sel .

"It was a great mercy Tom," said he, "that you were so early upon the strand to day, otherwise the poor men might have perished."
"With God's help your honor," replied Tom, "let me lose what I may, I'll never see a christian lost, when I can do him sarvice ."
" Aye , and that's the reason you're as you are," said his wife, speaking from the chimney corner with an inch of pipe in her mouth. "If your heart was not so tinder , you'd be better in the world; see Paddy Rourke there beyant , bekase he's not so foolish, how snug and warm he is -- but you -- you'll never be worth this scutty pipe in my mouth -- that's except ye take my biddin ."
" Hould your tongue," replied Tom, "I often tould you his money and value would go a grey gate , ill got, ill gone, it's better to be poor and have a clear conscience, I think."
" And sure ," answered the wife, "what you get at the shore needn't trouble your conscience, have'nt you as good a right to it as another, but it's no use talking to ye ."
"No use at all," said Tom.
"I am surprised Molly," remarked Frederick, "that you urge your husband to do any act his conscience tells him is not right, and which, by what I can understand, is contrary to the laws of God and man. "
"But sure Sir," replied she, " it's no sin for a man to take care of his family, and that's all I want Tom to do, when a ship is wracked he has as good a right to get his share of what's goin' as another."

"Molly, indeed!" said my lady, "Please, Sir Philip, when you speak to me, to call me my lady, or Lady Dorimon; if you doesn't know manners, I must larn them you. I always calls you Sir Philip; and I don't look vell , Sir Philip, besides, Sir Philip, if I do, Sir Philip, I've an inward complaint."

Lady Dorimon did not appear in very good humour; she threw herself down on the chair the Captain drew for her, and told him she was wastly sorry that she had discommodicated him, as she had only called to ax Mrs. Clarkson how she did, and have a bit of a chat with her; "for you knows " Sir, added she, " vomen generally likes to open their minds to one another; howsomever , I will leave my tickut , and take my leave."
"I expect her every minute," said Littleframe, "if your ladyship would like to wait a little."
"O dear no, I thank ye , replied she, coldly, "I has got to go, and call this morning on some of my rich city acquaintances; we, in the city, has the money after all, Captain Littleframe."
[Littleframe's dialogue omitted]
"Ah! lawk !" interrupted her polite ladyship, "what " sennifies " considering? when one can't get this vealth ! I declares , Sir Philip makes me sick with his considering ; and that wulgar expression, I'll consider of it , I tells him, is for ever and amen in his mouth."
"And yet, my lady," said Littleframe, with a smile, "people of very high consequence are very apt to make use of that expression."
"Why, lawk ! you don't say so?" said Lady Dorimon, "see how a title natterally makes one feel one's consequence! I declares , Sir Philip scarce ever used to use that expression afore he was knighted. Well , I really does'nt know whether there does'nt sound something grand in saying, " I'll consider of it ." Well , I must be off, and get into my baroutch again directly. So I wishes you a good morning, Sir. Now I'll just tell you, I means to make up a match with your brother officer --"

Mrs. Cameron endeavoured, at this dinner, to make herself particularly amiable; she even tried to throw as much softness as possible into her fierce and anxious eye; and she played off all the artillery of her charms against the invulnerable heart of Mr. Scrimp; but when the governess heard him say he would never marry a widow, else he was very nigh marrying a widow woman as kept a boarding-school once, but he could not abide them there cross school misseses . Indeed, he never meant, he said, again to take that expensive piece of goods , a wife; but dang it, if he ever did, it should be a nice, pretty young girl; for he would neither have a frowsy old maid nor a widow, who would be always talking of her first husband; "besides," added he, "widows are knowing articles; I know better than to let sitch manage me."